I Failed

As of writing this on November 27th, 2013, I am 15,000 words behind on my Nanowrimo novel. Considering that after I get off work together, I have to drive three hours tonight to get to family, spend all day tomorrow with them while we eat our brains out, then work on Friday, go to a Hanukkah party Friday night, and host a ‘Friendsgiving’ meal on Saturday, I know I’m not going to make it to 50,000 words by midnight November 30th.

I failed.

I lost.

Another Nanowrimo here and gone, and I can’t partake in the Winner’s Goodies or just feel good about myself.

The other day, JA Konrath wrote about blaming others. It was a great post, but it didn’t resonate with me. I never blame others for my lack of success. I blame myself. Over and over and over again. I think, ‘I should have done this, not that. I should have gotten off Facebook. No more Reddit. If I wasn’t so lazy… if I wasn’t so disorganized… if I wasn’t so distracted… I’m never going to make it. No one likes my books, what am I doing even writing??’ So on and so forth.

So, here’s another failure to add to the list.

But I’m okay with it. I’m in the meaty middle of Promising Power now. Those 35,000 words got me past the exciting beginning and now I need to write the ending to a series I’ve been writing for years. I can’t rush this.

You know what else I did in November?

  • Decided to start my freelance editing business.
  • Promoted a book I’m publishing under a pen name.
  • Painted my bathroom and my hallway.
  • Distributed my books to Oyster.
  • Saw and caught up with old friends.
  • Recorded a Christmas album.
  • Made covers for the Author Book Bundles my books will be in starting December 24th.
  • Saw Catching Fire. (OHMERGERD IT WAS AMAZING!)
  • Passed my classes (only a few weeks from graduation!)

And by the time this post is up, I will have spent a great day with my family, taught my cousins origami, taught the kids at my synagogue origami, worked the first Black Friday of my life, and hosted a Friendsgiving meal with a dozen of my friends.

I have no regrets. Maybe I could have written 15,000 more words this month. I’ll never know because it’s almost over and there’s no use beating myself up about it.

So, if you’re beating yourself up over that thing that you failed, stop it. You can’t change it. You failed. Sorry. It sucks, but you gotta keep going. Know that I am still going, too, and we will not only survive, we’ll thrive!